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Understanding the gift of God’s amazing grace was a concept that Eudes Santillan struggled to accept. As a child she was bombarded with lies that said wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough. Before long the criticism was too much to handle. Eudes became hard and rebellious.
She left home after university elated that she was finally free. But freedom had its price, and Eudes found herself in one destructive relationship after another. Now Eudes was a single mother of two children – with two different fathers. But something changed years later when she reconnected with the father of her eldest child. He was transformed. “Are you going to church? Are you praying?” he asked. “You have two children and you need to pray for them!”
As conviction swept into her heart, Eudes began attending church and reading the Bible. God’s love overwhelmed Eudes and she entered into Christ’s family. And though she had new life in Christ, it was years before Eudes came to understand God’s free gift of grace.
Eudes was finally getting her life in order when things spun out of control. She loved her new job, but when she learned that her coworkers were manipulating accounts and embezzling company funds, instead of speaking up, she followed suit. Her struggle to survive as a single parent was tiring, and Eudes justified her actions by believing that she could use this money for God’s glory. She would have to live with the burden of that decision for years to come. One night the fear of God entered her heart. “Give me a hug!” she told her former boss in a dream. He replied, “I’m only going to hug half of you, because I am never going to forgive you for what you did to me!”
Immediately she knew she had to confess. Frightened, yet thankful for God’s clear direction, Eudes contacted her old boss. “I feel terrible for what I’ve done.” she said. “Can I make restitution?” He responded, “Do as you wish.” Startled, Eudes offered to pay him back. He repeated, “Do as you wish,” With a heavy heart she asked him, “Do you think that one day you will be able to forgive me?” Her boss answered, “I forgive you, now you work things out with your own conscience.”
Months passed but her boss’ words kept flooding into her mind. “Do as you wish.” Eudes wanted punishment. She wanted her boss to make her feel as awful as she did about the situation, but his grace only made her feel worse.
It took many conversations with her pastors and much prayer before the concept of grace finally penetrated her heart. Her pastor explained to her, “Eudes, God loves you. God gave His life for all the wrongs that you have committed, because you are repentant and have confessed to Him. Receive His forgiveness.”
Eudes did receive God’s forgiveness, and she also did what God asked of her by paying back the money little by little. “I remember the woman I used to look at in the mirror.” she says, “I no longer have to be ‘two-faced’ – to appear to be someone that I am not. I don’t have to look at myself and try to appear like the ‘good girl’ who has everything under control, while on the other hand be arrogant and tell myself that I’m the bad girl and there’s no way out. Now I can rest in God’s peace. I can have freedom to know that my shame has been washed away and I now stand in freedom with Christ.” Amen!
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” – Romans 3:23-24
Eudes Santillan lives in Guadalajara, Mexico where she is involved with MBMSI’s church plant and is friends with missionaries Trever and Joan Godard. If you would like to learn more about Eudes’ story, watch her video here.
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